This is how I feel

I lost my job today, on the 14th anniversary of my first day at work for my company. I know that it's not the end of the world, but it certainly has thrown me for quite the loop. This place of employment -- I've been there longer than I've been married, been a mother, or been anything else in my adult life (other than Husband's sweetie). I told him that I can't wait until the day after our anniversary this year, when we'll have been married longer than I worked at my company.

I know that we will be okay. We have each other and we're together, as a family. The trappings of our life sometimes feel like a trap: a mortgage, the bills, the worry about work schedule and balancing that with parenting. Something good will come from this. I believe in that.

I refused to even start the job search today. I came home, cried, talked to Husband, and then did my normal after-school routine with The Princess and The Dictator. We had a cobbled together meal before volleyball.

But the way I feel -- not my normal routine. I tried to explain it to Husband as this: I feel like the ribbon candy people serve at Christmas time: Up and down and up and down and brittle, like I could just shatter.