Lip Service

Begin with the confession: When I went to Pittsburgh, mom, I did not go to Mass.

During a trip to visit with college friends a few weeks ago, I visited my friend Amy's church for Sunday services. She is an elder in her very small, very friendly Presbyterian church. And what happened to me there was the same thing that happens to me every time I attend a Protestant service, listen to Christian radio, or walk into a Christian bookstore: I cried.

Let me say that it was NOT guilt that brought the tears, although I must admit that I struggle with the Catholic guilt because I missed Mass. Somehow, though, I always feel like such a spiritual snob when I tell a friend, "Oh, sorry, your services don't 'count' for me. I have to go to Mass."

I always say that I find such comfort in the Mass and the prayers and the rituals. And how much I like knowing that the same prayers being said around me are the prayers being said back home. The flip side of that, which is enough sometimes to really shake me up and start the tears flowing, are the prayers said in another church. They are different and new -- I am forced to listen. Not just for novelty, but to know what it is I say Amen to.

Two very distinct parts of the service struck me -- one was inspiring and one had me thisclose to sobbing.

[Mom, you might just want to stop reading this right now. If you keep reading, you must promise to be nice.]

The youth of this church have a mime ministry. Yes, there is a part of me that would normally make fun of this or not understand or respect it. That being said, I was so very inspired by these young people expressing their faith so fearlessly and artistically. I know of no 14-year old boys that would so openly perform and portray their beliefs. The mimes performed to a musical adaptation of "The Prayer of Jabez". I know that there is a Catholic rebuttal to the Prayer of Jabez that I can't remember right now.

What I do know is this: I've been struggling so much with trying to be specific in what I ask for, from God. I've tried to pray for what I want in my job search, what I want as a mother, what we need as a family. I am not good at praying specifically. So, to watch those intense faces and dramatic arm gestures praying for God to increase their territories, it felt like specific prayer to me. It was a lesson in asking God for what I want, in fervent prayer.

The point at which I wanted to sob was when the members of the church, one by one, would introduce themselves and state why they were asking for prayer that week. Not everyone spoke. But everyone who wished to, could. Around the room we went: "I am Carla and I know that I'm going to have a really tough week this week. And I just ask for your prayers for me as I face it." That one stuck in my mind.

If I thought I could have spoken without sobbing, I would have introduced myself. And asked for prayer for my job search. Thanksgiving for Husband's temporary job that then had the potential to become permanent with benefits. For courage and fortitude and comfort in seeking what would most give me time with my daughters.

Then, get this: the leader of the prayer (I don't think he was the minister) then led each of us in prayer for each of those very specific intentions. We prayed by name for Carla. We asked God for strength for her in her rough week ahead. We prayed for the sick, by name. And those preparing for a missions trip to Haiti. Each person that had spoken up and requested prayers heard the entire congregation pray for their request.

That prayer challenged me and changed me.

How many times have I promised someone that I would pray for them and then forgotten? Or prayed in a very non-committed, rushed "all those people I promised prayers to" way?

There are times that I have most definitely failed to really lift up in prayer those people who have asked me to pray for them. I gave them lip service with my promises.

In a parish the size of ours, we have our petitions every week that list a few global petitions and then the "our own intentions we mention in the silence of our hearts (pause here) and the petitions in our parish petition book". That's as personal as we get. I know that it's not practical to do it any other way.

But I've been trying to consciously pray for people lately. I've been carrying the petitions further into my week. I'm trying to think of the names and the faces of those people who ask for prayer -- and really PRAY for them, as I should.

I felt selfish for asking for more prayers when I've not been as generous as I could be with mine. And how can I learn to pray specifically for myself if I'm not specific in my prayers for others? How well those young people, with no words at all, showed me a new way to pray -- to just open my heart and pour out my faith and my prayers to God, who understands when I don't even speak. (I will not necessarily begin a mime ministry from this. But I won't make fun of it either.)

Not giving lip service in my prayers and promises to pray for others is another lesson I'm learning. Another change I'm making.

Thank you, all, who have prayed for me. I am praying for you all, more and more, every day.